Love and Intimacy: A Reaction
Love is when you feel butterflies fluttering in your stomach — this, I have observed, the most commonly held thought of young millennials when asked about the definition of love. This, too perhaps is the most controversial concept of the milieu; something one should intricately ponder on, for while it presents the status quo, it also determines the future as to what kind of relationships we have and what kind of society is unfolding before us.
While reading the Philippine Inquirer article of Randy David — A Sociologist’s Take on Love (2016), I have been thinking about my generation: what kind of love is prevalent and to how it was evolving over time? As a millennial, belonging in a generation experiencing constant struggle between what is unconventional and traditional; such idea like love is constantly challenged. Because of the advent of technology, media became a platform of establishing and maintaining relationships. Today’s online networking sites are offering the functional equivalents of good old-fashioned romantic love. However, while, these “postmodern matchmaking devices” contribute in making the once “big world” small — even they promise intimacy, such relationships born out of it are not seen as a necessary prelude to marriage or to a long-term commitment. This case is quite evident to the existing situation where young people tend to change their own partners — the modern romantic love.
As I affirm Randy David’s account of modern romantic love, allow me to present some few points that I have observed in my generation. (1) Today’s concept of love reflects the culture of “catch and release”. Modern romantic love invests in deception and follows a mode where one partner lures the other by pretending to be in love. The social media also acts as a barrier in a way that non –verbal cues may have not been delivered to the other, resulting to inconsistencies and eventually to breakup or worse — cheating. This inhibits the “throwaway culture”, that nothing is a “forever” thing. (2) The involvement of social dating sites moreover shows no balance in Robert Sternberg triangulation of love (passion, commitment and intimacy). There is a foreseen absence on either of the three of the mentioned elements because neither the three could thrive without physical factor, e.g. it is impossible to stay committed on someone who you haven’t met at the first place. (3) Social media is highly susceptible to Ludis — an immature love that is more of a tease than a legitimate loving relationship. It is easier for ludic lovers to infiltrate the system, trick their mates believing they are sincerely in love while grooming others at the same time.
Although the kind of modern romantic love is quite threatening to some of us, avoiding it is not a guarantee of a happier future ahead of. One can still find true love for “it is not at all possible for love to be replaced as a mechanism of society as a whole.” (David, 2016) However if the definition of romantic love still stands in relation to the “butterfly flutters”, then no wonder, relationships don’t last that long.
